Mixed Marriage In The Catholic Church
Rev. Fr. John Burke SME

I will put this problem, as it is a most serious problem, in the form of question, namely;
WHAT SHOULD OUR POLICY BE WITH REGARDS TO THE RECEPTION INTO THE CHURCH OF BAPTISED NON-CATHOLICS OR BAPTISING NON-CATHOLICS ON THE OCCASION OF MARRIGE?

The reason I am writing on mixed marriage is that so many of such marriages are contracted on deceit on the part of the non-Catholic, especially if the non-Catholic is the male partner and also because so many mixed marriages end in separation and divorce. The reason being that the double burden of being married and being of mixed religions is just too heavy to bear.

Why are so many persons received into the church just before marriage? Are we not yielding to desire to have a “Catholic Wedding”, at all costs, by some Catholic parents? Are these conversions to the faith really freely motivated? Are they genuine? Will they last? Certainly it is understandable that the strong desire of some Catholic parents to have their sons or their daughters marry a Catholic in the Catholic Church. But this does not eliminate the duty on the part of the parish priest, to examine carefully the freedom and genuiness of such sudden and convenient conversions to the faith. Are we priests also guilty of cheap religious practices? Are we not able to resist pressure when it is put on us to do something that is not quite right? Are we guilty of burying our heads in sand?

The danger is that non-Catholics, whether baptised or not, may usually have different ideas of marriage from Catholics. There is the question of THE UNITY AND PERMANENCE OF MARRIAGE. We are the only Christian Church who does not recognise divorce and remarriage. All other Christian Churches, Including the Anglican Church, the Anglican persuasion recognises as being a full sacramental bond, the marriage celebration that takes place in a registry office! I believe we can say that almost every non-Catholic person has a divorce and or a polygamous mentality. A few weeks instruction will not change this so easily.

Mixed and disparate marriages are really dangerous marriages, especially when the non-Catholic was baptised the day before the marriage or received into the Church before the marriage. The non-catholic spouse often asks to be received into the Catholic Church just to please the other spouse and family or because he or she has no really deep religious convictions anyway. A number of such spouses have convictions, but for them the marriage comes first especially if the woman happens to be non-Catholic. This can often be the cause of the break-up of the marriage later on. My own practice is to celebrate a mixed or a disparate marriage and then to allow the non-Catholic to decide for himself or herself, whether to join the Catholic Church or not, later on in married life.

This, to my own mind, prevents one spouse from blaming religion for the break-up of the marriage. (There may be exceptions of course but I am writing about the generality of mixed marriage). I think also we may say preparing for marriage is to experience a stressful psychological situation and to bring into this the question of religious convictions may be too much for the spouse to understand and to appreciate fully. Later on, however, when the stress is over and the realisation of what has happened dawns upon the spouse, who is non-Catholic, then the marriage is in real danger of breaking up. Surely we can prevent that from happening by acknowledging in practice the freedom of conscience and the possibility of entering into a real “Catholic marriage” even if it is a mixed marriage.

Perhaps this possibility has not been sufficiently explained and taught to our communities. Of course mixed marriages are problematic. To obtain permission or a dispensation from the diocesan bishop, the parish priest has to make sure that the Catholic party knows well that he or she has to remove all dangers from falling away from the faith, and of his or her responsibility to have all the children baptised and brought up in the Catholic Faith. Otherwise, dispensations to celebrate marriage should not be given and the Catholic party should be advised to look for a partner elsewhere, who would, of course, offer no danger to these duties and responsibilities.

It is obvious that a merely formal or pressurised “reception” in to the Catholic Church, or conversion to the Catholic Faith, will not solve these problems but rather will aggravate them. Especially women must be protected from being imposed upon by the spurious custom that they i.e. the women must follow their husband to their church. (if a non-Catholic agrees to permit his spouse to practice her Catholic Faith and agrees to baptise the children in the Catholic Faith but all the time was insincere then such a marriage may well be invalid on the grounds of deceit). This does not mean that we do not explain the Catholic Faith to the non-Catholic. Of course we do. We Catholic members believe that our church is the one true church founded by Jesus Christ.

This fact, plus many others, any good Catholic spouse would not like to leave his or her partner in doubt about. In other words it is essential to explain the Catholic Faith to one’s spouse. Neither is there anything wrong in praying for the conversion of one’s spouse. Still less in there anything wrong in discussing fully the religious differences between the spouses before the marriage. This is a must! All questions pertaining to the differences between the Catholic Church and their church must be fully discussed before the marriage.
Anything less is not being serious with regards to marriage and marital unity.

Rev. Fr. John Burke S.M.E. of Sacred Heart Church, Apapa, Lagos, Nigeria

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